


Roxy of Notre Dame

by Anon_H



Series: everyone: watch Disney [6]
Category: Disney - All Media Types, Homestuck
Genre: Disney, Flirting, Gen, Image Heavy, Shiptease, Swearing, kids and fun, movienight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On John's suggestion the beta-kids decide to sit down and watch a movie together. On Rose's suggestion it turns into a team-building excersize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roxy of Notre Dame

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first time I am writing the Alphas. Could be better, could be worse I think.

\--ectoBiologist [EB]created memo; Let’s go to Disneyland--

\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited turntechGodhead [TG] to memo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to memo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited gardenGnostic [GG] to memo--

EB: alright, is everyone ready?  
TG: yeah man  
TG: what’s more ironic then watching a shitty disney movie for girls with my best bro  
TT: I see the definition of irony still eludes you.  
GG: rose!! what movie did you pick???  
TT: Hunchback of the Notre Dame. Have you heard of it?  
GG: hmmmm no, I don’t think I have.  
TT: Then you are in for a treat.  
EB: I vaguely remember seeing it as a kid, but I really don’t remember a thing about it.  
EB: dave, have you seen this one before?  
TG: fuck no  
TG: ironic rapping rooftop ninja  
TG: i have standards  
GG: you told me you watched all the disney princes movies :(  
TG: it’s part of the irony deal  
TG: but there are no princesses in this flick  
TG: so i wasn’t scoring any irony points watching this  
TT: I suggest we start the movie before Dave further butchers the English language.  
TG: i only butcher beats lalonde  
TT: I can hear the faint cries of a dictionary, abandoned in the Strider residence. Hidden among smuppets and ironic hats, it wishes for death to find it so it’s suffering may cease.  
GG: oh nooooo….  
TG: that fucker wasn’t paying rent anyway  
TG: start the movie  
GG: wait!!  
GG: aren’t we forgetting something???  
EB: you’re right jade. movies aren’t the same without popcorn!  
GG: no!  
GG: well, yeah….. but no!  
TG: damn harley make up your mind  
GG: we should invite grandpa and the rest as well!  
TG: nop.avi  
GG: yes!  
GG: .avi?  
TT: Considering this is intended to be a teambuilding exercise I think it is a wonderful idea to invite Roxy and the others.  
TG: ok no stop  
TG: we are just watching the movie because it sounds like a good time  
TG: watching the movie with the alphas is going to be awkward as fuck  
TG: like picking up the math test you didnt study for and realizing you aint wearing pants while your teacher is literally hitler awkward  
GG: that does sound very awkward  
TG: i know right  
EB: i don’t mind inviting them. it would be fun to chat with nanna again.  
TT: And Roxy I presume.  
EB: er……  
TT: Need I remind you how we last found you two?  
GG: I think I missed this one, what happened?  
TG: the short version; john was macking on roses ectobiological mother  
TG: the long version; john was macking on roses ectobiological mother  
TT: *Our ectobiological mother.  
TG: please dont remind me  
GG: aaaw, that’s…… cute I guess? weird, but cute :B  
EB: ok no, you are not blaming me for that one.   
EB: she was came onto me.  
TG: whatever  
TT: Really now John? Did she come?  
EB: onto me, yes and---  
EB: oh I see what you are doing, mrs psychologist mcspookypants. but i am not falling for your mind tricks this time!!  
TT: Alas, perhaps I require new victims.  
GG: sooooooo…… i’m inviting grandpa.  
TG: fuck jade no

\--gardenGnostic [GG] invited golgothasTerror [GT] to memo--

GG: hi Jake!!!!!!  
GT: Hi grandmother, err…..  
GT: No, that would be incorrect *grins sheepishly*  
GT: I apologize profusely, but I am still not entirely used to our ectobiological relation to one another  
GG: that’s ok. i suppose it is a bit weird.  
EB: just a bit?  
GG: ok, it’s very weird. but it’s also very fun :)  
GT: Indeed  
GG: it means that technically i am chatting with my grandpa!!!  
GT: Rather quite  
GT: So what is the buzz all about?  
TT: We intended to watch a movie together. Do you per chance have any interest in joining us?  
GT: Smashing suggestion, I would be delighted to join you in this venture  
TG: hurray  
EB: are you ok with watching a Disney movie?   
GG: why wouldn’t he be?  
EB: well, it’s a bit silly isn’t it?  
GT: Lackaday, i am not familiar with these movies  
GT: Might I ask what they are about?  
TG: pastel colored animated stuff  
TG: features earworm songs and terrible moral lessons  
GT: Ahá, I do believe the collection Jade…… er  
GT: The collection grandmother left me included one or two of these videos  
GT: I gravitated more towards the movies featuring daring heroes, damsels in distress and ear-shattering explosions, so I never did get around watching them  
EB: i can completely understand that feeling.   
GT: Jolly good  
TG: its like we got a 1950s john in here  
TG: im not sure whether or not i should get my camera or run for the bunkers  
TT: Well, now we got Jake into the stream I assume the rest will follow soon, regardless of our intentions.  
TT: Therefore, I think I shall invite Dirk.  
TG: no fuck wait  
GT: God bugger it, wait

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] invited timaeusTestified [TT]\--

GG: hi dirk :)   
GG: how’s it going?  
TT: Not much going on really. Building robots, rapping with Squarewave to keep my beats fresh…  
TG: watching cartoon ponies prance around talking about friendship  
TT: Watching cartoon ponies prance around, talking about friendship.  
TG: damnit  
GG: we are going to watch a movie!  
TT: Cool.  
EB: do you want to watch Hunchback of the Notre Dame?  
TT: Sure. It seems I’m not doing anything right now.  
TT: Are you familiar with the movie?  
TT: I read the book. I don’t think the movie will hold any surprises for me.  
TG: you read the fucking book?  
TT: Yes.  
TG: ok i aint buying  
TG: did you look up the synopsis like a stupid school kid 2 hours before the deadline of his book report?  
TG: slept with it under your pillow and absorbed the content trough osmosis?  
TT: I read the words, which formed sentences that told me the story.  
TT: You have to forgive Dave. He has trouble comprehending how someone can enjoy literature.  
TG: like hell i do  
TG: shakespear is the shit  
GG: oh, oh, I think I know his work :)  
EB: you don’t know Disney movies, but you know shakespeare?  
GG: apparently so yeah!!  
GG: is that wrong?  
EB: no, it’s just a bit odd.  
GG: i just loved harry potter :)  
TT: False alarm John.  
EB: I noticed.  
GT: So when are we starting the video  
GT: I am mighty curious about this shindig  
TT: Ah, nice to see you are here as well Jake.  
TT: I hadn’t noticed you.  
GG: yeah, you became really quiet after Dirk got here :(  
GT: I was er……  
GT: Giving my weapon the ol spit shine, you know  
TT: Oh my……………  
TG: ………….dude  
GT: What did I say?  
TT: Don’t mind Jake. Innuendo and subtleties tend to fly right over his head.  
GT: Not a chance chum, I can be perfectly subtle  
GG: I bet not-grandpa can be totally subtle :)   
GT: I thank you for the vote of confidence not-grandmother  
EB: ok, if we’re going to have family reunions in here I’m inviting nanna.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited gutsyGumshoe [GG]\--

EB: hi nanna :B  
GG: Hello there.  
GG: John for goodness sake, I thought we agreed you’d call me by name now.  
EB: sorry about that, it’s just a force of habit. hope you don’t mind.  
GG: Well it is mighty embarrassing. I mean, we áre the same age.  
EB: yeah, i guess you’re right.  
GT: Good morrow Jane  
GT: I hope this day finds you well  
GG: Hello Jake. I am doing quite well, thank you.  
GG: What is this little get-together for?  
TT: I think Lalonde senior was going to explain that.  
TT: Please do not refer to me as such. Roxy and myself are roughly the same age.  
TT: Very well. Explain away then, Rose.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Taking in account that our teams are from entirely different timelines and have no experience working together, we thought it appropriate to organize a kind of teambuilding exercise to encourage co-operation within our group.  
TT: Considering we are likely to be the last humans in existence it is of the utmost importance that we get along.  
TG: what lalonde is trying to say is that she really wants to watch a disney movie   
TT: Quiet Dave.  
GG: would you like to watch the movie with us Jane?  
GG: Why that would be lovely. It has been quite some time I just sat back and watched a movie with my chums.  
GG: well, what better way to do it? :)  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, I do like the way you think Jade.  
GG: :)  
GG: Shall I invite Rolal as well?  
TG: yeah I’ll get lalonde junior  
TT: Dave, cease referring to us as such or you shall henceforth be known as Strider junior.  
TG: alright zipping it  
TG: i’ll just call her the fun lalonde how about that

\--turntechGodhead [TG] invited tipsyGnostic [TG] to memo--

TG: otm, whazzup?  
TT: Oh dear…..  
TT: Hey Roxy.  
TG: hey errybody. whatd I missis?  
GG: Roxy…… Have you been drinking again?  
TG: wha!? You woond me janey  
TG: i’ll have you knwo i havent tocuhed a drunk in weeks  
TG: *drink, lmao  
TG: not touching drunks ether.  
TT: Then how come you still manage to write in such an atrocious manner?  
TG: oh hey daughtermom!   
TG: so cash, everyone is hear!  
TG: whats shakin?  
TT: You are avoiding the question.  
GT: She has assured us she cleaned up her act  
TG: omg, THANKS Jake, you get it  
TG: I HAVE cleaned up my acts. all of them.  
TG: but there are mad cats walking over my kheysboard and i am hacking teh matrix, so i’m a bittid busy.  
TG: correkt grammr is for chumps anywayz.  
GG: the matrix? :O  
TG: Ja, the game Jade sweetie.  
TG: once I nailed this binary biatch, *ca-ching* unlimited gristz baby.  
EB: oh, that sounds so incredibly sweet.  
TG: YOU sounds so incredibly sweet bb *WONK*  
GG: Oh dear….. Rolal, could you perhaps NOT hit on my poppop?  
TG: oh…..is he offlimitz too? :(  
GG: Well, I guess not….. Since he’s from another dimension altogether…  
TG: just a different timeline really no biggie  
GG: It’s just kind of weird.  
EB: hey, that’s not fair. if I don’t get to call you nanna, you don’t get to call me poppop.  
GG: Sorry John, merely a force of habit.  
TG: Soooo, I cannot mack on Johny?  
GG: Well…… I suppose you can.  
GG: If you manage to behave.  
TT: …….  
TG: oh my god janey, your so stirtct with me.   
EB: do i get a say in this?  
TG: Noooope ;)  
TG: women be crazy man  
GG: :(  
TG: not you harley  
TG: youre cool  
GG: YAY!!!  
TT: You seem uncomfortable Dave.  
TG: no   
TG: its just weird seeing my biological motherdaughter flirt with my best bro  
TG: you jelly davey ;)?  
TG: no  
TG: fuck no  
TG: rose don’t even start  
TG: we are leaving freud alone  
TG: leave the poor fucker in his grave somewhere in europe and dont dig his corpse up for the sake of this joke  
TG: lmao  
TT: Traveling to London would be rather difficult considering the circumstances.  
TT: Also, it is significantly less amusing if you start making the jokes for me.  
TT: It seems everyone is present.  
GG: I reckon we are, yes.  
GG: yes! start the movie already john!  
EB: alright, alright, starting the stream.

GG: oh this sounds promising :)  
TG: shit where do the bells and latin chanting come from  
TG: Shit zounds ominiouis as fuck  
EB: it sounds an awful lot like a church choir  
GG: Well, the Notre Dame IS a church you know?  
EB: religion in a Disney film? that’s insane.  
TT: It is delightful. This movie is probably the darkest feature film Disney has ever produced.  
TG: well someone hasnt seen hannah montana  
GG: roxy, jane, have you seen this movie before?  
GG: I haven’t had the pleasure. There were a lot of movies I wasn’t allowed to watch back at home.  
GG: A lot of the things I watched had to be approved by multiple people and censored, just to be safe.  
TG: I watched ocne….. or twice. Mom-Rose left me aaaaall the Disney movis.  
TG: Drank a lto back then so I don’t member everytin.  
TG: That and I prefured arisomacats anyways.

TG: fucking clowns  
TG: pro-tip kids; don’t get in his carriage  
TG: no candy in there just broken dreams and lost innocence  
EB: experience dave?  
GG: he does have a very pretty voice :)   
TT: It seems this is Clopin. The books don’t end well for this guy, just a lot of bleeding and dying.  
GG: Oh dear. That does sound unpleasant.  
TG: hmmmm…….  
GT: I would appreciate going through the movie unspoiled chap  
TT: Well, the books are a whole different tale then the movie.  
TT: In fact, the characters and events are warped so much you may be forgiven for thinking of this tale as completely unrelated from the 1831 novel.  
EB: woah, that’s old.

GG: i don’t get it…… why aren’t gypsies allowed in the city?  
TT: Because of an unfair stigma.  
TG: because they worship satan steal your woman and burn your houses  
TT: That stigma, yes.

TG: omg, I dont know who taht guy is, and he looks fugly as shit…..  
TG: but dyaaaamn, that voice just gibes me the warm shivers.  
GG: Maybe you just have a thing for the older gentlemen, Rolal.  
TG: No wai, Johny int much older then me.  
EB: it’s still kind of weird, since you’re technically rose’s mom and all that.  
TG: You can call me Mrss Lalonde if you want to ;) ;) ;)  
TT: ………  
TG: oh fuck me  
TG: this is how every bad porn starts  
TG: please stop

GG: OH NOOOOOO!  
GT: Blimey that is harsh  
EB: you know, for kids.  
GG: She sounded so desperate trying to get into that building :( that is so sad  
TT: It seems that her neck snapped when falling to the stairs. Not how it happened in the books at all, considering the mother abandoned her child. I don’t think this is a bad change though.  
TT: It stays very in tone with the darkness of the original book, wouldn’t you say?  
TT: Indeed.  
GG: You sound amused by this cruel act.  
TT: Well, yeah. Book version; everyone dies. It seems that this version won’t do that.  
TT: If this version captures the spirit of the book while making it more accessible for the kids, I am content.  
TG: hmmmmm………..  
EB: seriously, this is like a bambi-mom in the first 5 minutes  
GG: bambi?  
TT: Oh, do not fret Jade, we’ll shall watch that later. I wish to observe your reaction.  
GG: oh, ok  
GG: that sounds fun :)

TG: jegus add babykilling to death by tripping on the stairs  
TT: I bet that, at some point in time, she was warned about those stairs.  
TG: no 5 minutes in and the guy already goes for a double kill  
TG: keep something for the rest of the movie 

GG: It is truly beautiful how the song just keeps going while telling such a dramatic story.  
GG: A large portion of the dialogue between Frollo and the Archdeacon is kept within the song  
TT: It is a shame Frollo is a judge in this version though  
TT: Yes. In the books he WAS the archdeacon.  
GG: How very odd.  
EB: they probably didn’t want to give their movie too much religious subtext  
EB: if the villain of the film is a priest they might ‘give the wrong message’  
TT: Well, then I am afraid they failed miserably.  
TG: the eyes of notre dame obviously refer to some unseen omnipotent father figure  
TG: you may know him better as god  
TT: Astute Observation.  
EB: yeah, but well….. the idea of a god is kind of well, silly now isn’t it?  
GT: Because we all reached the esteemed title of god ourselves?  
GG: and now we know our creator was a angry kid with nubby horns in a different universe  
GG: I admit; having studied physics all my life…… I never saw that one coming :/  
TT: And so our story begins, with Frollo deciding to take care of the misformed infant to repent for his sin of accidently killing that woman.  
GG: Does that not mean he does it for his own sake rather than the child’s?  
TT: In the book, it is actually an act of selflessness.   
GG: So he is a good person?  
TT: There are many shades of grey between good and bad Jane.  
TG: i counted fifty  
TT: Dave, no.

GT: Incredible, absolutely smashing  
GT: How Clopin manages to hold that last note is absolutely sublime  
TG: is 1950s john always like this  
GG: Hoo hoo, you should see him when he gets exited.  
TT: Well, it seems that was the intro of the movie.  
GG: It sure sets a high standard doesn’t it?  
TG: hmmmm….. say Diiiirk?  
TT: Yes?  
TG: could you tell me about your auto-responder?

\--timeausTestified [DS] changed screenname to auto-Responder [AR]\--

AR: It seems you have asked about DS’s chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS’s otherwise inimitable rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorythems are guaranteed to be 9X% indistinguishable from DS’s native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically pulled out of my ass just now.  
AR: Damnit.  
EB: what’s going on?  
GT: Confound, modern technology!  
GG: OMG, is that what i think it is? :O  
TG: lil hal, the betas. betas, lil hal.  
AR: Sup.  
TG: hey  
TT: Hello.  
GG: are you an AI?  
AR: please refer to that automated wall of text I just had to recite again for information on me.  
AR: Yes, I’m an AI, based on Dirk’s own brain.  
AR: I do his chatting when he’s busy, which is all the time.  
AR: Also, Dirk never read the book. I did, because I basically compute that shit in 0,04 nanoseconds.  
AR: So clearly I am better suited to be here anyway.  
GG: that  
GG: is  
GG: soooooooooo  
GG: coooooooooooooool :) :)  
GT: Might I ask why Dirk isn’t joining us for this merry assemblage?  
AR: Oh, he’s basically nervous as fuck about talking to his bro. Just don’t tell him I said that.  
GG: We wouldn’t dare Mr Hal.  
TG: yeah you know I can read everything you said right  
AR: Oh drats. I have no idea how my billions of processing units could not have picked up on your presence.   
EB: dave, i think he’s being sarcastic  
TG: thanks for pointing that out  
EB: no problem bro  
GG: Mr Hal?  
AR: Lil Hal, or just Hal will do Harley.  
GG: can I research you?  
AR: What do you mean?  
GG: well, I want to see how you work.   
GG: possibly reverse engineer you to see how Dirk put you together.  
TG: woah jade, nobodie’s dissectimating him. AR is my bb  
GG: I thought john was your bb?  
TG: they are both my bbs 8) deal with it yo  
GG: But I want to see how he works!  
AR: Right, both of you are clearly batshit.  
GG: Oh :(  
TG: weak.  
AR: I’ll call the main man. He should have finished his shower twenty minutes ago anyway.  
GG: Please come by again lil Hal.  
AR: I might. Now behave kids.

\--autoResponder [AR] invited timeausTestified [DS] to memo--

\--autoResponder [AR] left memo--

TG: OMFGWTFBBQ di stri, did you reelly think I’d fell for that?  
TT: Would it be wrong of me to say I hoped you would?  
TG: Yes!  
GT: Yes  
GG: Indeed.  
TT: ......So what’d I miss?  
TT: Tragedy struck and a malformed infant has found a guardian in a extremist priest.  
EB: i thought he was a judge  
TT: That would be the work of the mouse.  
TT: Cool.

EB: well he didn’t turn out thát bad.  
EB: just the weird lump above his eye, the back that makes him look like frankenstein’s assistant, a nose that no mother could love and arms that seem too big for his body.  
TG: in other words regular freakshow  
TG: Rude dave  
GG: well he sounds like a kind person, he just looks a bit funny.  
GT: You should never judge your fellow men on their appearance  
TG: then you have never seen your fellow men wear crocs before  
GT: Incidentally, that fat gargoyle fellow sure likes a good jape doesn’t he?  
GG: Indeed. He makes for a fine double act with the overly sophisticated gargoyle. The fool and the straight man if you will.  
TT: Meh. They’re not really doing it for me.  
TT: Yeah….. the gargoyles weren’t in the book.  
GG: I see. They were added for comic relief I take it?  
GG: oh, to make it more accessible to kids?  
TT: I assume so. Funnily enough the addition of this comic relief trio adds a pretty dark undertone for those who are alert to it.  
GG: Might I inquire into the nature of this dark undertone?  
TT: I believe it will be much more amusing to have the gumshoe figure it out herself.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo that sounds tremendously fun. Watson?  
TG: Rolal Hatson reporting fir duty.  
TG: *Watson.  
GG: We must uncover the mystery behind these stone creatures.  
TG: Yes ma’am!  
TT: Incidentally, their names are a reference to the writer, Victor Hugo.  
TT: Because every esteemed writer hopes to one day be a easter egg in a Disney movie based on his own story.

TT: So this guy wants to go to the ball/cave of miracles/elephant graveyard/army/outside/atlantis/feast of fools, which causes shenanigans and conflict to be set in motion for the rest of the movie.  
TT: Movie will include an obligatory love-interest, comedy sidekicks (preferably animals) and the antagonist dying by his own error /gravity /act of god.  
GG: DIRK! Don’t spoil it!  
TG: Omfg Dick.  
TG: *Dirk  
TG: No wait, dick works fin.  
TT: Am I incorrect?  
TG: you forgot to mention the obligatory musical numbers  
TT: Of course.

TT: I do love their dysfunctional relationship. There are so many little things to comment on.  
TT: Note how Quasimodo sets the table, giving Frollo the silverware while eating and drinking from wooden materials himself, to reflect how submissive he is towards his master.  
TG: woah  
TG: submissive and master in one sentence  
TG: were not delving into malformed wizard priest fanfic territory are we  
TG: omgf please do.  
GG: I would prefer to keep the conversation civil, if you please.  
TG: lmoa Janey, you’re so cute.  
GG: why does Quasimodo say the alphabet so strangely? I thought A was for atom…..  
GT: I thought A was for action  
TT: It is clearly “artificial”.  
EB: am I the only one who learned it was apple?  
TT: It is a matter of association really. He raises Quasimodo to hate himself.  
TT: I can only assume L is for Lust, as we shall later discover.  
TG: please no malformed dude on priest action  
TG: please no malformed dude on priest action  
TT: You are aware there are plenty of other possibilities right?  
TG: you havent talked much to this particular lalonde have you  
TT: ;)  
TG: oh dont even start

GT: Zounds, that bootless doghearted snake   
GT: He knows damn well his mother did not abandon him but died trying to protect him   
GT: Why I would give him the ol one-two given half the chance *puts up fisticuffs*    
TG: jake   
TG: dude   
TG: never change   
GG: you really do sound a lot like grandpa when you get exited Jake :)   
GG: it’s pretty cute   
TG: omg, jake is such a cutie potato   
TG: *patatio   
TG:*pistachio   
TG: ……*Jake is such a cutie   
TG: like, erryone gets the hotz for him, iykwim   
GG: Rolal!   
GG: uhm…….   
TG: jade, jade, jaed. I bet u make ur peeps just as mad with ur charmz and shit.   
GG: not really?   
GG: i think….?   
GG: rose, do I make you mad?   
TG: lmao, ur just as oblivion too. family traits ftw.   
TG: *oblivious   
TT: Roxy, I would appreciate it if you would stop these disingenuous assertions. Jade is merely our very good friend.   
GG: <3   
TG: Le sign   
GG: You *ARE* kind of pushing it Rolal.   
TG: alrighty janey. What else shuld we talk about?   
GG: The movie, perhaps? Frollo is singing again.   
TG: such a smexy smexy voice.   
TT: Agreed. His voice is one that you could make sweet chocolaty love too.   
TG: wauw really bro   
TG: i mean I’m cool with your preferences and whatnot but its kind of weird seeing the orange text jump up from the screen going ‘men are totally hot’   
TT: Is it less awkward when Roxy does it?   
EB: I just thought he was being ironic.   
TG: I was   
TG: I think   
TG: know what never mind   
EB: i don’t think i’ll ever understand irony……   
TT: I don’t think the Striders will either.

TG: meanwhile quasi is like  
TG: fuck that im going to the festival anyway  
GG: I am by no means an expert but I think he is not as good a singer…….  
GT: Compared to Frollo and Clopin anyway  
TT: Movie would be awfully short if he stayed in the Notre Dame, don’t you think, Dave?  
TG: they could have called it hunchback of the notre dame; learning the alphabet ringing bells and talking to myself a whole lot  
TG: shit would sell for biznasty amounts  
TT: From the mind that brought you Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff the movie  
TG: no way  
TG: did that shit become an actual movie  
TT: Yes  
TG: how was it  
TT: As bad as you hoped for. You got Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson to play the leads and it opened with ten minutes of bro falling down the stairs.  
TG: oh my god yes  
TG: that is beautiful  
TG: post scratch me sounds like a pretty cool dude  
TT: And Donald Clovers performance was said to be one of the defining moments in cinema history.  
TT: As friend turned enemy turned friend again Geromy.  
GT: I watched it and I can assure you it moved me to tears  
TG: me two. laughin so hard.  
TT: So of course the Batterwitch had him assassinated.  
TG: damn trolls  
TT: Yeah. She was kind of a bitch as your post-scratch self found out.  
TG: yeah i guess we lucked out there  
TG: our trolls are less interstellar conquerors and more assholes wallowing in their own failure

TT: Sigh  
TT: And here is captain Phoebus. Quite possibly one of the biggest victims of Disney’s edits.  
GG: I am not a particular fan of this brand of facial hair. A well groomed beard is nice and all, but only a true gentleman can sport a moustache.  
GG: That said, he seems fairly charming.   
TT: Oh he is supposed to be in this version, and that’s what baffles me. He is actually more of an antagonist in the books. He is vain, untrustworthy and even though he has a fiancée his biggest desire is ‘one night of passion’ with a sixteen year old.  
GG: That sounds rather dastardly. Disney’s version seems to be a lot more charming.  
TT: Like I said; the book and the Disney version may as well be different stories entirely.  
TG: behold the only blonde dude in france  
EB: is phoebus a french name? it doesn’t sound very French….  
TG: well they cant all be called pierre or jacques 

GT: Egad, who is this dame  
GT: She is positively stunning  
TT: And yet there isn’t a speck of blue on her.  
GT: Well nobody’s perfect  
TG: next to the only blonde in france we have the thickest eyebrows in france  
TG: let them join up with quasi and they have their own freakshow  
GG: well I think she looks soooo pretty!!  
GG: and I love how she dances. it kinda makes me wish I could dance like that.  
TG: welp, cant be taht hard can it?  
GG: you think?  
TG: Shure, I’ll teech you.  
GG: you can dance?  
TG: how hard can it be? :3  
TT: Please note that Esmeralda is supposed to be a mere sixteen years young.   
EB: hahaha yeah….. no.  
EB: there is no way this woman is sixteen.

EB: It’s pretty clever to use the goat as part of her disguise, with the beard and whatnot.  
GG: Creativity is a important part of creating a good disguise, wouldn’t you say?  
EB: oh I know! I just never knew a woman could use a goat like that.  
TG: giggedy

TT: Can someone tell the latin chorus and the bells to keep it down a bit?  
TT: It is very epic and adds a very cool atmosphere but this is just a building that appears once in the whole movie.  
TT: Save the epic chorus for when shit is actually happening.

GT: Blimey that Frollo is a slimy pillock  
EB: i still dont really get his whole prejudice towards the gypsies.  
EB: is it because they look different? Because they have different believes and philosophies?  
TT: Shit, I don’t know.  
GG: Well, “ye olde” Europe was pretty extremist in their Christianity were they not?  
EB: yeah. but damn, this is some pretty harsh stuff coming from a disney movie.   
EB: i dont think any other disney villains are motivated by what is basically blatant racism.  
TT: Gypsies used to earn most of their income by amusement, particulary circus acts, music and well…. occult stuff such as palm reading, tarot cards, crystal balls.  
GG: I see. Then it isn’t difficult to see how the catholic church would view them as heathens.  
TG: damn  
TG: a disney movie that insinuates smack about the church  
TG: meanwihle Pheonix….Feeblus….  
GG: phoebus?  
TG: yesh, dat guy. He’s looking liek; “oh noes, bad touch”.  
GG: hehehe, really doesn’t seem to like Frollo

TT: Stealthiest mofo of them all.  
GG: well he did descend from that huge tower in seconds.  
TT: Yeah, but he sticks out like a sore thumb, the way he swings over the crowd. Don’t tell me no one noticed the mysterious hooded figure descending from the bell tower and swinging over their heads.  
GG: it’s a busy festival, of course no one is going to notice.  
GG: You know, it looks rather tame does it not? For a festival called the feast of fools I mean.  
GG: I was looking forward to seeing the people act silly. 

GG: Well, I stand corrected.   
GG: Hoo hoo, it really looks like a festival now.   
TT: Quasimodo just happens to have the timing to catch the kick-off of the festival?  
GG: grrrrrr  
GG: he has been watching the festival for years, of course he knew when it was going start!  
TT: Really? He knew the starting time but he didn’t know the traditions that go with the feast?  
GG: what traditions are you talking about?

\--autoResponder [AR] joined memo--

AR: I just talked him through it.  
TT: Yes, much appreciated AR.  
AR: It would have been a lot easier if your fleshy brain could connect to a computer.  
TT: I’m sure it would have been.

\--timeausTestified [DS] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo--

TG: omfg dirk, don’t jusht ban him.   
TT: He’ll get over it.   
TT: Besides, if he really wants to be here, I won’t be able to stop him.   
GT: Bolly this festival is incredibly silly but looks like so much fun   
GT: The music, the costumes, the performers, it looks great   
GT: Lobsters are boiling the cooks, dogs are walking their owners and horses are riding their riders, this truly IS topsy turvy   
GG: Hoo hoo, I dare say, perhaps they even eat their desert before diner on that special day.   
GT: That, miss Crocker, would be truly outrageous   
GT: And lord’s beard, Clopins singing is just the cherry on the metaphorical pie   
GT: And   
GT: Oh my   
GT: He mentions strumpets?   
EB: beer? They acknowledge alcohol in a disney movie?   
EB: i mean i am not complaining, i just thought these were the kinds of things they would try to hide or censor.   
EB: like calling it lemonade or something obvious like that.   
TG: dat lucky qausi gets a peek of schmeralda in the dersing room   
RL:*dressing   
TG: she doesn’t eben seem to care. That’s how you KNOW shes into you.   
EB: is that how it works?   
TG: yuuuup. but you can knock fhirst if you feel shy *wonk*   
TT: ………….   
EB: I eh….. I think I’ll just watch the movie now.

GT: *loosens collar a bit* Boy uhm….  
GT: That Esmeralda sure is quite……. Agile  
TG: yeah like a porn star gymnastic  
GT: Oh my  
GT: I was not going to put it like that but  
GT: The mental imagery you are creating is certainly something  
TG: hahahaha damn dude  
TG: youre even more impressionable then Egbert  
TT: Sixteen years old.  
TG: Fuck  
GG: phoebus looks very happy to see Esmeralda dance like that :)  
GG: i bet it makes him fall in love with her right away.  
TG: dyamn gurl, love is not what a man thinks of when he sees a wonan dance like that.  
GG: really? well what do they think of?  
TG: Johny! Why didn’t you tell me how aderpable your ectosister is?  
GG: ??????  
EB: is it clever to seduce the man who actively wants to prosecute your people?  
TT: Nop.  
TT: Not particularly.  
EB: is this going to bite her in the ass?  
TT: Oh, you have no idea.

EB: you know, for kids.  
TG: holy shit  
TG: congrats rose  
TG: this was everything i ever wanted to see in disney flick  
TT: Sixteen year old.  
TG: god fucking damnit

GT: I am not sure if people should take offense to this competition or not  
GT: Is being crowned ugliest face an accomplishment worth bragging about?  
TG: pretty sure they made one or two reality shows about it  
GG: aaaaaw…... quasimodo is finally appreciated and made some friends  
GG: just look at how happy he is :)  
TT: Indeed.  
TT: It would be a shame if something were to……  
TT: Go horribly wrong.  
GG: :O

GG: OH NOOOOOOOO!  
GG: why are they doing that?!  
GG: that is horrible :(   
TT: They see a monstrosity, ergo they treat him as such.  
GG: BUT HE’S NOT A MONSTER!  
TT: You know that. I know that. The people there just see the ugliest motherfucker alive and treat him like an animal.  
GG: :(  
TT: Now there, no need to pout. Just a silly movie remember?  
GT: And that craven milk-livered barnacle Frollo is just sitting there  
GT: A lesson, my rear  
GT: More than anything he seems to derive pleasure from this act of public humiliation  
TG: i am not the only one reading this right  
TG: milk-livered barnacle  
TG: the fuck english  
TG: the person not the language  
TG: actually disregard that last sentence  
TG: language can go fuck itself too  
GG: Hoo hoo, I know. At first it seems all charming and cute, but after that you learn to deal with it.  
GG: It’s just how he is.  
GT: I take offense to that Jane  
GT: My vocabulary is still incredibly charming  
TG: See? just how he ish da stri  
TG: da stri  
TG: are all you alphas completely of your rockers  
TT: It is meant as an endearing nickname. You know, since she calls me Di stri.  
TG: it’s almost as weird as 1950s john

TT: Spitting in the face of the man who has prosecuted your people with no regard for their life and/or dignity for over 20 years.  
TT: Best idea.  
GG: But she is…….  
GG: ……………………  
TG: come on harley we know what’s coming  
GG: ……………………………………………  
GT: Grandmother?  
TG: dont worry its kind of her thing  
GG: ………………………………………………………  
TG: so cool  
TG: go  
GG: ……………………………………………………………………………………………  
EB: come on jade this was never funny  
GG: rude :(  
EB: ha, made you stop  
GG: grrrrr  
GG: She does manage to deftly pull the wool over everyone’s eyes.   
GG: Combined with her penchant for disguises, it seems to me we have a grade-A prankster here.  
EB: where would she fit on the echeladder?  
GG: Somewhere between Snickering Scallywag and Sassacre’s Student I’d wager.  
EB: no way. that entrance and that exit are clearly evidence of a ninja trickster.  
TT: Are these real levels or is this part of an elaborate prank?  
GG: I don’t know mr Strider. Maybe it is.  
EB: and maybe it isn’t.  
TT: Two half-baked pranksters in one chat. I knew I should’ve let AR handle this.  
GG: Oh we definitely need to team up some time John.  
GG: There are so many pranks I’ve always wanted to pull but needed a co-conspirator.  
EB: that sounds great!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo  
TT: We made a terrible mistake.

GG: Luckily Phoebus is such a gallant gent.  
TT: Ugh……  
GG: Something wrong?  
TT: I apologize Jane, I am merely trying my very best to see the movie and the book as separate entities.   
TT: Because this is not Phoebus de Châteaupers.  
GG: I can understand the frustration of seeing a movie ignore its source material.  
GG: Do you still enjoy this version, based on its own merits?  
TT: Well of course. I wouldn’t subject you to watching it otherwise.  
TT: Though I may be inclined to make you watch something truly awful for comedic effect.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, as in a prank I assume?  
GG: I tried doing that, but Dirk liked it ‘ironically’. And Jake loves every movie, despite how objectively terrible it is.  
GT: Are you talking about Ghost Rider?  
GT: I loved that flick  
EB: dude no. that is the ONE Nicholas Cage film that must not be spoken off.   
GT: But it was magnificent  
EB: it really wasn’t.   
GT: Poppycock  
GT: Bloke rides around on an AWESOME motorcycle, has a flaming skull for his face and fights using these fiendish powers  
EB: ok, it had the ideas for a good movie, but it just doesn’t work. the story goes all over the place and the effects are lazy.  
GT: I respectfully disagree  
EB: 8ah  
GG: esmeralda seems like a GREAT role model :)  
GG: she is clever, compassionate, and can defend herself  
TT: ………Of course she is Jade.  
GG: you hesitated for a second.  
GG: why did you hesitate?  
TT: Let’s enjoy the movie shall we?

TT: Expert bullshitting skills activate.

TG: Oh noes, bad toch. She needs an adult.  
TG: His voice might be the smexiest silk evar but this is getting puretty rapey.  
GT: He makes a despicable unredeemable antagonist!  
GT: THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY!  
TG: kid seems genuinely insulted  
TT: Like I said, he’s very impressionable.  
TT: As you may have gathered, Frollo has a……… thing, for Esmeralda.  
EB: as does phoebus and quasimodo. are there no other attractive women in france?  
TT: The book even adds a fourth suitor for her.  
EB: oh come on. that is just stupid.   
TG: she’s so beau aaaaall the men in the plot fall fur her.

GG: oh……  
GG: wauw.  
GG: this song is REALLY pretty you guys.  
TT: A plea to any deity who might be listening, for those who are unable to take care of themselves.  
TT: While I agree it is a pretty song, it’s something a beauty pageant would sing.  
GG: is that a bad thing?  
TT: Of course it isn’t Harley.  
TG: dont tease her dirk, teh songs aweosme and you know it!  
TT: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves and call it awesome.  
GG: I do believe you are selling it a bit short mr Strider.   
GG: The singing and the imagery really make this a beautiful piece of art.  
TT: Hey, whatever floats your boat.  
TT: I love the fact that the prayer of the infidel is more sincere then the prayers of the faithful.  
TT: It shows that sin isn’t exclusive to non-believers and compassion not just for those who practice religion.  
TG: I’d expect something like that from a filthy heathen like you  
TT: ……..Dave I spent 3 years with you on a meteor, I KNOW how much you sin.  
EB: really?   
TT: Once every time he took a shower…...  
TG:  
TT: ;)

GT: Boy those gargoyles are awfully shy are they not?  
GT: You’d think they’d be overjoyed to have someone new to talk to  
TG: Janey, after lotz of seductions and analalyses me and Dr Frenglish have solved the riddle of the stoned statues.  
TG: *deductions. seductions will have to wait for a bit.  
GT: I am a qualified doctor now?  
TG: we concludeded that the garogyales are…….  
TG: *drums for dramatic effect*  
TG: incredibly shy!  
GG: Uhm…… Rose was this what you were talking about?  
TT: I am afraid not the esteemed Rolal Watson needs to reconsider her hypothesis  
TG: shoot

TT: So yeah, AR just contacted me again……..  
TT: He just finished ranting about how the bells are sexualized in the books……  
TT: Indeed.  
TT: I think……  
TT: No, actually I don’t.  
TT: That shit may just have fried my brain.  
TT: They were Quasimodo’s only companions for years, together with the gargoyles, and they sang to him.  
TT: They sang so hard in fact, he turned deaf.  
TT: Yeah that’s wonderful.   
TT: Still confused about the whole; sexy bells thing.

GG: Frollo truly did indoctrinate poor Quasimodo, making him believe all gypsies are evil.  
EB: yet quasi seems very dependent on Esmeralda, very fast.  
TG: well yeah  
TG: babe is shaped like a lamppost with two basketballs tied to it  
TG: she is the only thing in the plot without an y chromosome  
TG: she is a gilf  
EB: yeah, that’s nice bro.  
TG: a gypsy I’d like to  
EB: I get it dave, geesh.  
TT: Don’t mind me Dave. I am merely taking notes on your desire to fornicate with an animated woman.  
TG: we agreed to leave freud out of this lalonde  
TT: Freud has nothing to do with it, I assure you.  
GT: Is there something against his appreciation for well-designed animated women?  
TG: thank you English  
TT: Not in particular. It’s just so easy to get a raise out of him.  
TG: rox your sister is teasing me  
TG: I know. I am laughing my fine ass off.  
TG: damnit

GG: oh wauw!  
GG: Quasi just gets of that tower like it’s no big deal!  
GG: That. Is. So. Cool!!!!  
TT: While carrying a woman (approximately 65 kg) and a male goat (approximately 40 kg). He manages to do all these acrobatics while holding little over 230 pounds.  
TT: And somehow the goat doesn’t plummet to its death.   
EB: that woven band she gives him seems like a suitable mcguffin to come into play in a later point.  
EB: even from the quick glance we get it is pretty obviously a map.  
TT: Congratulations John. You have proven yourself to be smarter than the average 12 year old.  
EB: geesh, way to spoil my fun, you……. funspoiler.  
TT: John, such scathing words are unbecoming of you.  
EB: somehow i feel you are still mocking me………..

GG: Quasimodo is very territorial, or just plain protective of Esmeralda.  
GG: It is kinda sweet, if not a little frightening to see him lash out like that to a figure that might wish her harm.  
GT: He is just being a gentleman  
TT: Actually I think he just might be a little feral.  
GT: Regardless he must be much stronger then you gave him credit for earlier   
GT: He lifts an adult wearing armor with one hand, that is mighty impressive  
TT: Alright then, let’s assume 80 kg (or 175 pounds) for an adult male + 20 kg (or 44 pounds) of armor and you have an incredibly amount of weight in one hand..  
TT: Therefore I am calling bs.  
GG: do you have to go and try to ruin the movie dirk? :(  
TT: Just keeping it real Harley   
GG: well stop it then! Have some fun with the movie, fuckass.  
TT: Now that’s just hurtful. I think I shed a tear.

GG: Oh dear…… They are back.  
GG: While they certainly are amusing they kind of….. Well, kill the pace.  
GG: That and it becomes increasingly frustrating that there seems to be a trick to these statues I cannot figure out yet.  
TT: I am sure you’ll find it gumshoe.  
GG: Roxy, keep your eyes open.  
TG: Aye maam. Rite after this song.  
GG: i am glad quasi gets another song, and such a pretty one too.  
GG: Indeed. Though he is not that good a singer, I am starting to think that maybe that was the point.  
GG: yeah, it’d be pretty goofy if he suddenly sang like that clown :P  
GG: he doesn’t sing all that well, but he does sound very sincere and sensitive.  
GG: it makes me feel kinda sorry for him, having such a shitty life :(  
TG: hes right you know  
TG: i mean i get it  
TG: true beauty lies within and all that disney crap  
TG: but a woman needs to be blind to fall in love with this guy  
GG: That’s mean!  
TG: ok show of hands ladies and bro  
TG: would you date this wonderful hunk of a man  
GG: …………..  
TG: ……………..  
GG: ……………..  
TT: …………….. Out of morbid curiosity perhaps?  
TT: Ironically.  
TT: Please learn the definition of the word…….

GT: Oh my

TG: hopy shit

GG: Oh dear………  
TT: …………

EB: holy shit.  
TG: damn  
TG: how did disney get this one approved  
TG: not complaining but this is extreme for disney  
TG: like sixflags selling meth before the rollercoaster extreme  
TG: and the rollercoaster is on fire  
TG: and it’s the 90s  
EB: it is pretty awesome.  
EB: frollo is an amazing singer and the visuals, and the content and….  
EB: holy shit.  
TG: otm dat voice.  
TG: janey, please scoop me from the floor. I think I melteded.   
GG: that got pretty dark……  
GG: did he really mean it when he said she’d be his or burn?  
TT: did he look like he was kidding?  
GG: oh noooooooooooooo.  
TG: Yesh harley. Frollo gots the hotz for Esmeralda, but doesn’t want to admjt it to himself.  
GG: well that’s pretty stupid.  
GG: Jade, you don’t understand.  
GG: understand what?  
GG: He legitimately seems to think HE is the good person here, and that by making Esmeralda his, he can convert her and save her from the flames of hell.  
GG: :O  
GT: I have seen many a flick wherein the antagonist thinks he’s a good man, but so often did it seem shallow or a charade  
GT: This man, slimy as he is, seems certain of his own better nature  
GT: I think it makes him more complex as a villain than a standard power-hungry buffoon  
TT: He is convinced he doesn’t lust after Esmeralda but that she put him under a black magic spell. Therefore, all bets are off and he must find her.  
TT: I think it makes him somewhat tragic.

TG: but then he turned into kind of a dick and all tragedy is forgotten  
TT: Obsession can be a dangerous thing.

TT: Oh why did they turn him into such a Mary Sue. I know I keep nitpicking but in the books he stood and watched as they executed Esmeralda. Now he risks his life to save people he doesn’t even know.  
GG: but they were innocent!  
TT: It is out of character.  
GG: Well maybe I just like this Phoebus better than the Phoebus der Chato from the books!  
GT: I agree with Jade  
GT: No offense Rose, but the Phoebus you describe sounds like quite the folly-fallen lewdster whereas this man is a splendid example of a noble knight

TT: Guys, I think Frollo said; do not hit my horse.  
TT: Speaking of which, he only had like 5 men with him, including Phoebus. Even if they are armed with crossbows, how could they possibly fire that fast?  
TT: Also, what is the point of wearing armor if the first arrow that hits the guy pierces it effortlessly?

TT: Considering the fact that the arrow nearly pierced his heart, the impact of the fall, the time he spent underwater and the medicinal skills at this particular time period, what are the chances he stays dead?  
GG: OMG DIRK!  
TG: OGM DIRK!   
TT: Woah, stereo.  
TT: It’s just a stupid movie guys, chill. What do you care about me pointing out the inconsistencies and contrivances?   
GT: You ARE acting like quite the tosser my friend  
TT: Am I doing it again?  
GT: You most definitely are  
TT: ………..huh.  
TT: I really should learn to stop being such a prick I guess.  
GT: If it is any conciliation, you are doing much better than before *smiles warmly*  
TG: is this were the yaois start  
EB: dave, shut up.  
TT: No, it’s cool. I’ll try to be a little more agreeable.  
GT: Thank you Strider  
TT: You are perfectly free to point out inconsistencies Dirk. In fact, you spotted a few I hadn’t considered myself.  
TT: I wasn’t planning on stopping that. 

EB: well that escalated quickly.  
TG: Oh nooooooo.  
TG: I’ve always wanted to vishit Paris oen day.  
EB: really?  
TG: l-o-l, of course! Though, you know, Batzerwhich.  
It’s the city de lameour. Can you imagine how totally kick-ass it wuld be to walk ther with a lover?  
TT: I am surprised Roxy. I never took you for a romantic.  
TG: I am teh most romantically. but I’ll nevar walk thar now with earth gone and errything.  
TG: now I have to tihnk of somefin else to do with Johny.  
TG: perhaps a walk on the sun, now we’re all gods and shit. Crazy romantic.  
TT: You keep insisting you have something romantic with John.  
EB: uhm…..  
TG: oh, we had a *moment*  
GG: Oh my.  
TT: Oh really?  
TG: Yup. back when I was capturd by the batterwhich.  
GG: strange….. I don’t remember anything about that.......   
TG: he swept me off my feet and I swooned.  
EB: it really wasn’t that special roxy. i just wanted to help you out of a jam.  
TG: well, i thought it was special ;)  
TG: that and flirting with you is a lotta fun  
TT: You know Roxy, according to alien prophecy I am the one that is supposed to ‘breed’ with John.  
TG: WHAT!?  
TG: are you trying to steal Johny from me?  
TT: I am just saying, you may have competition.  
TG: oh………  
EB: uhm….. can you maybe not go there rose?  
TT: But we got a alien scripture and everything.  
EB: wait, are you referring to that shipping grid karkat drew?  
TT: Alien prophecy sounds so much more poignant.  
EB: so it’s a false alarm?  
TG: wait, so she’s just yanking my chain?  
TT: No offense John, but I don’t think I am interested in you like that.  
TG: omfg, how could you not be!?  
EB: uhm, roxy?  
TG: he is cute and funny and kind and loyal and…..I…… and…….  
TT: Yes. Go on?  
TG: ….is this part of your psychological shtick?  
TT: Perhaps. But please, I believe you were saying something.  
TG: ….let’s return to the movie ok?  
TT: If you insist.  
EB: (dude, dave.)  
EB: (what just happened?)  
TG: (shit I dont know)  
TG: (lalondes passive aggressive combat seemed to end in a fatality but roxy seems to act like nothing happened)  
EB: (well what should I do?)  
TG: (ignore it till it goes away)  
EB: (dave…..)  
TG: (burn the house and claim insurance)  
EB: (Dave.)  
TG: (have snape kill dumbledore)  
EB: (DAVE!)

GG: ok, that was probably the worst song in the movie :(  
TT: I do appreciate the slightly dark joke at the beginning of the song.  
TT: “Paris, the city of lovers is glowing this evening……… True, that’s because it’s on fire.”—end quote  
GG: Haha, yeah :)  
GG: i get that the gargoyles try to make him feel better about himself but it feels like they are mocking him……  
GG: like it’s all a big joke.

GT: And a joke it seems to be  
GG: Regardless, do the singing abilities of the gargoyles tie in to their mystery Rose?  
TT: Not exactly no.  
GG: Drats.  
EB: is it really a clever idea to hide a wanted fugitive right under frollo’s nose?  
GG: So Esmeralda requires Quasi’s aid yet again.  
GG: Give the woman a finger and she takes a hand it seems.  
TG: giggedy  
GG: Dave shoosh.

TG: oh snap  
TG: friendzoned like a chump  
TG: time to make a stupid blog about how girls dont understand you and only go for the assholes  
GG: DAVE!  
GG: Don’t make fun of him now…..   
GG: it’s just so sad :(   
GG: I….. Yes, Jade.  
GG: This is incredibly sad.  
GG: I can definitely sympathize with Quasi here :(  
EB: i thought the hero always got the girl, especially in disney.  
TT: There are always exceptions to the rule.  
GT: Blimey  
GT: They even reprise that somewhat hopeful song he sung earlier to make it even sadder

GT: Well Quasi just can’t catch a break tonight  
EB: you just know he took way too much pleasure in kicking phoebus in the face.  
TG: yes quasimodo  
TG: it is YOUR fault paris is burning  
TG: forget that i literally order people to burn houses  
TG: this is all on you buddy

TG: Oh my god, just fuck already.  
TG: I swear, the sexual tension between these two is unbearable. They are like, meant to be kismesises.  
GG: Rolal? Those were completely grammatically correct sentences.  
TG: Yeah, time to shove the cats of my keyboard and focus on watching the movie.  
TG: Also, need to act my finest for the betas…. Show that I’m not just goofing around.  
TT: …………….  
GT: Well I approve  
GT: It makes for a much easier read like this  
GG: aaaaw, I thought it was funny :(  
TG: Sorry Jade. I’ll talk some more gibberish in private chats, or if you want me to teach you how to dance ;)  
GG: were you serious about that? :O  
TG: Well, if you’re up for it.   
GG: Yay!  
EB: oh dear. soon jade will be waltzing trough the halls won’t she?   
TG: I am not exactly classically trained :P but she will be dancing.  
EB: well, that should be fun.  
TG: I can teach you too if you want…..  
TG: yeah egbert go dancing  
TG: everybody wants to see that shit  
EB: oh my god dave, shut up.  
TT: (learn to read the mood brother)  
TG: (the hell did i do?)

GT: The gypsies chose a most splendid décor wouldn’t you say?  
TT: This is coming back to the whole skull issue isn’t it?  
GT: Well yeah  
GT: It makes the entrance to their court look like magnificent catacombs  
GG: So it’s exactly as Mr Strider said; your skull thing.  
GT: I am quite certain I am not the only one finding it charming, therefore it is not; ‘my thing’  
GG: i don’t remember grandpa having a thing for skulls.  
GG: Well, Jake has quite an extensive fascination for it. We more or less ignore it, but I can see how it would weird people out.  
GT: Oh poppycock  
GG: Please enlighten us Jake, what was your favorite computing device again?  
GT: The  
GT: Oh  
GT: Can you blame me?  
GT: Skulls are awesome  
TG: actually i agree with English  
TG: skulls and dead things in general are pretty awesome  
GT: Thank you Strider  
GT: I am glad to have met another gentleman with such an exquisite taste  
TG: shit you should see my collection  
TG: not many skulls but plenty of other stuff  
TT: Whatever did Jake do to deserve a tour trough Strider’s house of horrors?  
GT: That just makes me want to witness it first hand  
GT: Adventure ho  
TT: Of course……

GG: Hoo hoo, the movie does not have enough Clopin.   
GG: He brings so much energy and fun with him every time he’s on screen.  
GG: it’s a shame he wants to hang quasi and phoebus  
GG: Well, it’s an honest mistake…..  
GG: he doesn’t even hear them out! :(  
TG: ‘it is the sentence that’s really the fun’  
GG: yes, but it’s mean!  
GG: and how come being innocent is the worst crime of all? I don’t get it @_@  
TG: Well, it means they haven’t sinned. Never got drunk, not doing teh sex until marriage, going to church every Sunday, etc etc.   
TG: The gypsies on the other hand prefer to live a little.  
GG: oh, I guess that makes sense?  
TG: At least, that’s how I interpret it.   
TT: No, you are quite right, though I suppose it only applies on this version of Phoebus.  
TT: I think you mentioned it enough Rose.  
TT: It just boggles my mind.

TT: Ok, here I go again……  
GT: Just be polite  
TT: First; he mentioned a thousand men would attack the court of miracles. While this may have been a bluff, I don’t even count half of that amount.   
TT: Also, it seems to be an army of clones, which makes me wonder why he didn’t go with thousand anyway. Clones aren’t hard to come by and he could’ve rid the entire world of gypsies.  
TG: it all makes sense now  
TG: frollo is a sith lord  
GG: i don’t think they had clones in ye olde france.  
TT: Second; Quasimodo and Phoebus infiltrated the court of miracles with just the two of them and already got spotted by gypsy sentries. Frollo infiltrates the court with a hundred men or so yet no sentry warns the court?  
GG: you know, that is actually a very valid complaint :O  
GG: were they all goofing off at the gallows?  
TT: Finally, what would he have done had Quasimodo and Phoebus NOT found the court? Wander around the sewer for the rest of the day?  
GG: That does sound kind of silly :P

GT: That villainous two-faced toad-spotted mammet!  
GT: Soliciting sexual favors from a lady in exchange for her life, how low can you sink!  
GT: Why, I would need more then twelve bullets to properly express my disgust for this man!  
GG: woof!  
TG: I would pull that goofy hat so far down it would hang around his neck like a fucking loony toon and….  
TG: Oh my god Jade, did you just bark? That is so cute <3  
TT: Put in her situation I just might descend again and violate him with eldritch horrors beyond his imagination.  
TG: ok shows over lalonde wins  
TG: why even bother intimidating a fictional character if lalonde can remind us of her grimdark-tentacle-rape-phase  
GG: Dear god, what an intense stare she gives him after spitting in his face.  
GG: She is incredibly brave to defy him, even on the pyre. I am not sure if I would be able to do something like that.  
GT: You are braver then you give yourself credit for Jane 

EB: i don’t know…… do you think they used enough chains?

GG: Ah ha!  
GG: Madame Hatson, I found the solution to our conundrum regarding the gargoyles!  
TG: Taking notes right now Mrs Holmes.  
GG: The gargoyles speak to no one but Quasimodo throughout the entire movie.  
GG: They seem to be able to ignore laws of physics.  
GG: They are perfectly aware of Quasimodo’s mental state and seem to be voices of reason, impulse and ideal.  
GG: And once Quasimodo loses all hope they return to stone.  
TG: Notes taken. Conclusion?  
GG: I conclude that the gargoyles are somehow tied to Quasimodo’s psyche.   
GG: Well, Mrs Lalonde?  
TT: You are entirely correct. Clearly the title of gumshoe is well-deserved.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo.  
TT: The fact that they indeed appear as statues to everyone else suggests they are a delusion brought on by Quasimodo’s isolation.  
TT: Supporting this theory is that they seem to represent the three levels of our psyche; the id, the ego and the superego.   
TG: So this means Quasi is crazy?  
TT: To an extent. He is clearly capable of forming connections with people, but he isn’t all there.  
TT: Perhaps you remember cast away where Tom Hanks became so delusional he started befriending a volleyball he named Wilson?   
TT: It is a similar condition.  
TG: Huh….. That really is kinda dark.  
GG: It changes the whole dynamic between their interactions. It was all Quasimodo talking to himself!  
GT: Oh my god, he had three voices in his head singing to him  
GT: And all the voices were him  
GT: How must that feel?

TT: Boy that fire is taking it’s sweet time.  
TG: oh it was raining the night before  
TG: you know how it goes  
TG: wood gets all moist  
TG: completely ruins your barbeque, and/or pyre  
TT: I lived on the ocean. Trust me, I know.  
GT: Talk about a slasher smile  
GT: Frollo is turning downright scary now

EB: quasi smash!  
EB: I don’t get it; didn’t he lose all hope?  
EB: “it’s over. frollo won.” That whole spiel.  
EB: why does he suddenly decide; “screw it, I’m taking action anyway”.  
GG: He heard the latin chanting begin and decided to spring into action.  
TT: Well….. I am relatively sure there is supposed to be a song here.  
TT: What makes you say that?  
TT: It is an educated guess, seeing as it seems we are missing some character development here. No writer will allow a character to go from utterly devastated to heroic second wind in a span of seconds.  
TT: Well, either that or Quasi didn’t realize it was serious business until the flames were tickling Esmeralda’s feet.  
TT: Considering his intellectual limitations, also a very real possibility yes.

TT: Ok no…… What rope is long enough to bring him from the top of the tower to the center of the square?  
GG: dirk, quiet.  
GG: it is so exciting!  
TT: …..I suppose it is.  
GG: still…. kind of weird how he releases esmeralda without untying any knots……  
TT: Atta girl.

GG: YAAAAAAAAY   
GG: SHE’S SAFE!  
EB: i see that, please stop yelling!  
TG: lmao, John, your ectosister is really adorable.  
TG: ok you got the girl  
TG: go you  
TG: what about the evil motherfucker with an army and plenty of people to execute downstairs

TG: They can take our lives, but they can never take OUR FREEDOM  
TT: that guard A) just happened to carry the keys and B) carries them in such a way that Phoebus can snatch them in 3 seconds flat.  
GG: Ironically, Frollo caused so much damage to Paris that the people of the city and the gypsies they previously perceived as evil band together to bring an end to his regime.  
GT: I am somewhat lost  
GT: Is a judge supposed to have so much power?  
TG: Like my fellow Lalonde said, he’s supposed to be the religious leader of the city, not a judge.  
GT: Ok  
GT: ……..  
GT: So is a religious leader supposed to have so much power?

GG: Wait, if the gargoyles were supposed to be Quasimodo’s imaginary friends, how do they defend the castle?  
TT: Lazy writing.

TT: Movie doesn’t know proper French.

TG: yeah I don’t care what disney says about it  
TG: people fucking die there  
TG: quasi is killing them with molten metal  
TT: Points for effectiveness though.  
TG: at what point do the soldiers raise their hands saying  
TG: fuck it I aint doing this shit  
TG: getting molten metal poured over my head  
TG: ye olde french healthcare aint covering this  
TG: that stuff hurts like a motherfucker

TT: Considering Frollo IS the archdeacon in the books, I really wish this scene was more fleshed out, because this is the point of no return for the character.  
TT: He lays siege on Notre Dame and violently shoves the archdeacon aside, rejecting what was left of his humanity and shoving aside the person who basically represents his morality.  
TT: He can no longer hide behind his faith for his actions; this is the character at his core.  
TT: You mean he’s an asshole.

GT: Alright chaps  
GT: Having seen my fair share of movies I would like a show of hands  
GT: Who here honestly believes Esmeralda has perished  
TT: ……………..  
TG: …………….  
GG: ………………  
EB: ……………..  
TG:  
TT: ……………..  
GG: but I feel so sorry for quasi. she was the first friend he ever made :(   
GT: but you do not believe she is dead correct?  
GG: no not really  
GT: Jolly, we’re all on the same wavelength

TT: You know, instead of gloating Frollo could just stab him, then and there.  
TT: He could claim it was the gypsy, and he murdered her in self-defense. 17th century france did not have great forensics.  
TT: No? He’ll keep on gloating?  
TT: Alright, then he’ll completely deserve what’s coming.

TG: come on  
TG: stab him and be done with it  
TG: You know….. Quasi’s right. The only reason the world is dark is because of people like Frollo……. Or the Batterbitch……… Or Caliborn.  
TG: Point is, we can shape that shit now.  
TG: We can rock this bitch, whip it into shape and built an asshole-free society.  
TG: what  
TG: youre not gonna allow me and bro to live there?  
GG: to do that I think we’ll need more than 8 people.  
TT: Well, eventually biology will take its course I assume.  
TT: Do you mean ectobiology or biology-biology?  
EB: we’ll see that when we get there. it wasn’t that long ago since I saw us all as babies, I think I’ll be fine without that for a while.  
TG: I wasn’t saying we should rush it.  
GT: Guys, I really appreciate these talks, but the movie is about to conclude  
GT: if we could direct our attention there for a spell, that would be grand

TG: not the best hiding place quasi  
EB: where the hell did frollo get a sword? was he carrying both that and the dagger?  
EB: what happened to love thine enemy? turn the other cheek?  
EB: where does the bible say; should thine dagger fail thou must resort to thine sword?  
TG: LMAO

GG: No that’s fine Quasimodo, keep swinging the woman with severe carbon monoxide poisoning around like a ragdoll.  
GG: I am sure that this somehow will be beneficial for her health, really clears out the airways.

GT: The epic latin chanting is at its most epic  
GT: Gadzooks this is turning into a most splendid conclusion  
TG: frollo seems to be channeling a sith lord here  
TT: That off-hand remark about his clone army suddenly seems a lot less funny 

TT: Must be one strong piece of cloth, and an iron grip to hold on like that.

EB: oh hello satan.  
TG: i was gonna say the joker  
TG: I was going to say emporer Palpatine

TT: Act of god, called it.  
EB: funny, i don’t remember doing anything.  
EB: eh?  
EB: eh?  
TG: john  
TG: no  
TG: that was never funny  
EB: i disagree  
GG: I disagree  
TG: also deathscene largely stolen from lion king  
GT: Somewhat ironic that he fell the moment he uttered those words right?  
GT: And he shall smite the wicked and cast them to the fiery pit  
GT: Then he falls and lands in a fiery pit  
TT: …..English.  
GT: Yes Rose  
TT: I do not wish to rain on your metaphorical parade, but that was indeed the intent of the movie.  
GT: Ah ha!  
GT: So I totally called that one *double pistols and a wink*  
TT: Good grief…. 

TT: And so he falls, smitten into the fiery pit.  
GT: Yes, that’s what I said  
TT: …………………………….  
TG: Don’t take it personally ectosister, he doesn’t know.  
TG: Sorry, I never asked, but do you mind?  
TG: Can I call you sister?  
TT: I don’t see why not. If you’ll forgive me however, I’ll just stick with Roxy for now.  
TG: That’s cool sis :)  
GG: oh, oh, does that mean I can call Jake brother?  
EB: i thought i was your sorta brother.  
GG: well, our family just got a little bigger :)  
GG: what do you say Jake?  
GT: I  
GT: Well, that uhm  
GT: That would be mighty kind  
GT: It has been a long time since I had family  
GT: I am not quite sure how to react  
EB: just a brotherly hug next time you see us would do.  
GT: *grabs handkerchief and whips manly tear*  
EB: well that settles it.  
EB: what about you Jane?  
GG: Well…… It would be an incredibly strange idea to suddenly become related to the boy I had a crush on for so long.  
GG: However, I would be honored if you would treat me as part of your family.  
GG: alright! :)  
GG: i got a new brother and sister today!  
GG: best :)  
GG: day :)  
GG: ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: Well, you are not my poppop, or Jake’s grandmother….. And we’re not the beta timeline equivalent of those roles either. But I think we can make this work.  
TT: That just leaves the Striders I suppose. What do you say Roxy?  
TG: I dunno sis…… Do we WANT them as part of the Lalondes?  
TG: please  
TG: we dont need that kinda crap  
TG: You don’t?  
TT: Nah. We realized pretty much as soon as this shithive convo started. Us being brothers didn’t stop being a thing.  
TT: It probably never stopped being a thing  
TG: word  
TG: your welcome to join us if you like  
TT: I think we’re good.  
TG: Oh my god Rosie, let’s join them.  
TT: I’m not giving Dave the satisfaction of calling me a Strider.

TG: oh right  
TG: movie was still happening  
EB: so how’s that nearly fatal chest injury treating you phoebus?

GT: And so Quasimodo gives them his blessing  
TG: yeah  
TG: after realizing she is indeed way out of his league  
GT: I like to think it’s because he gained some respect for Phoebus  
TG: i think my interpretation is more fun  
TT: Huh….. Well, does anyone have any experience with being friendzoned like this, so we can determine whether or not this is an accurate reaction?  
GG: for science :3  
TT: For science.  
TG: So Jade, about that dancing I mentioned.  
GG: yes?  
TG: I was thinking, do you have any idea what sort of dance you want to learn? I kinda need to read up on it myself soooo......  
GG: oh anything will do really :)   
GG: i’m a bit clumsy so something for beginners would be nice.  
TG: Right, I’ll scourge the interwebs for something fun!  
TT: Subject switched in 2.4 seconds. Might be a new record.  
GG: Dirk, if you shut your speech hole about friendzones this instant, I’ll make you cupcakes.  
TT: The ones with the orange frosting?  
GG: The very same.  
TT: Sold.

TT: And of course, there is one innocent soul in the crowd who accepts him.  
GG: Is that so strange?  
TT: Not really. The ending is a lot more hopeful than the original novel.  
TT: Unfortunately, that hope leads to the Hunchback of Notre Dame 2  
TG: That bad sis?  
TT: Oh you have no idea.  
TG: John, do you happen to have that movie?  
EB: what, hunchback 2?  
TG: Yeah.  
EB: nah, I only have pirates of the Caribbean on my laptop.  
EB: well, that and the complete work of nicholas cage.  
TG: Well…… Would you like to watch any of those movies after this?  
EB: would I?  
EB: i’d love to!  
TG: Really?  
EB: yeah. i’ve been dying to show someone how awesome national treasure is!  
TG: Pft…Pffffft…..  
EB: er, roxy?  
TG: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!  
TG: I’m sorry John, but that’s just so dorky, I am laughing my ass off here.  
GG: I can confirm that she indeed seems to be making quite a mess of herself.  
EB: hey, don’t hate on national treasure.   
EB: That movie is one of the most awesome films ever. easily 10/10  
TG: I won’t hate, but I will make fun of it if it’s goofy.  
EB: ha! you wouldn’t be able to!  
TG: Oh really?  
TG: Even if it’s is really silly?   
EB: no, you still would enjoy the movie! in fact, i will personally ensure you enjoy like never before!  
TG: Oh my…… That sounds intriguing ;)  
EB: huh? Why what did i say?  
TG:   
TG: goddamnit john  
TG: even English caught that innuendo  
GT: Why, what’d my new brother say?  
TG: I stand corrected 

TT: And that was the Hunchback of Notre Dame  
TT: Showing that the line between monster and man is not based on the way they look or their status.  
TG: you mean just like in pocohontas  
TG: beauty and the beast  
TG: lady and the tramp  
TG: aladdin  
GG: Dave, quiet now.  
TG: why is everyone trying to keep me quiet  
GG: Because you ruin the mood.  
TG: im just sayin  
TG: this particular message has been done to death  
TT: Actually, I agree on that.   
TG: wait you do  
TT: Yes. I just think that out of all disney movies this one portrays it best, with the possible exception of Beauty and the Beast.  
TG: you have a thing for heroes with issues you know  
TG: belles Stockholm  
TG: quasis imaginary friends  
TT: I just love vulnerable minds.  
TG: ok  
TG: stop looking at me when you say shit like that  
TG: john bro  
TG: help me out here  
EB: well I really enjoyed the movie.  
TG: no, I mean get this lalonde of my back  
TG: she looks like a cat seconds away from swallowing a defenseless canary  
TG: what will you say to the poor kid who bought that bird  
TG: sorry junior   
TG: sylvester ate tweety  
TG: circle of life is a bitch like that  
EB: well rose don’t…… eat dave I guess?  
TT: Shoot.  
EB: regardless, I really enjoyed it. i think i saw it once before, but really…. i don’t think i understood half of it as a kid.  
TG: well you were a dumb kid  
EB: are you sure this was a kid’s movie?  
TT: I am.  
EB: dear god….. which is us.  
EB: eh?  
TT: Still not funny bro.  
EB: well, what about you then dirk?  
TT: I had a really good time with the movie.  
GG: what!?  
GG: but you were nitpicking on every little detail it got wrong  
GG: even when it wasn’t important at all!  
TT: I am a very anal person.  
TG: i  
TG: you  
TG: now you are just taking the piss  
TT: Rose was correct; you are easy to rile up brother.  
TG: oh god  
TG: am i going to have to play this mind game bullshit from two sides now  
TG: my heart cannot take that  
TG: i’m moving in with my other sister  
TT: Don’t be like that bro.  
TT: We totally need to rap after the movie.  
TG: dude really  
TT: What, to weird?  
TG: no its just very pre-scratch you  
TT: Sweet.  
GG: what did you think about the movie newest brother?  
GT: Oh what I thought about it?  
GG: Don’t bother Jade. Jake enjoys every movie unironically.  
GT: I am perfectly capable of critical thought, thank you  
GT: It just so happens that I really enjoyed the movie  
GT: A complete coincidence, I assure you  
GG: Oh, I’m sure it is.  
GG: well, what about you then, newest sister?  
GG: Eheh, I am still a bit iffy on the whole brother-sister thing jade…. Nothing personal.  
GG: oh, that’s ok…..  
GG: Just a matter of getting used to I imagine.  
GG: well then Jane, how did you like the movie?  
GG: Honestly, it was quite exciting to see a movie that wasn’t approved and censored by Betty Crocker.  
GG: It had a very childlike sense of awe and wonder while having mature themes I was not expecting.  
GG: Really, quite a memorable film.  
GT: I concur  
GT: The epic music as well as the memorable portrayal of the Notre Dame itself truly make this a worthwhile film  
TT: So everyone enjoyed it?  
TG: Seems so sis.  
TT: That’s a shame…. I was looking forward to discussing about different interpretations.  
TG: please save that for your book club  
GG: oh, oh rose. does that mean we can go watch bambi now?  
TT: You are still interested in that?  
GG: well, i hope you don’t mind……  
TT: Not at all. Go make some popcorn, and I’ll meet you soon.  
GG: yay!

\--gardenGnostic [GG] left memo--

GT: Excuse me, but what exactly is a Bambi?  
TT: A film following the life of a deer and the struggles the wild presents him with.  
GT: Told entirely from the perspective of that animal?  
TT: More or less.  
GT: What a novel concept  
GT: Would you mind if I joined you?  
TT: I am sure Jade will be delighted to watch another movie with her brother.  
GT: Jolly  
GT: I’ll see if I can help Jade set up then  
GT: Good day

\--golgothasTerror [JE] left memo--

TT: Well, I guess that means the party is over.  
EB: eh more or less i suppose.  
EB: it was fun getting to know you alphas  
TT: Likewise. Oh and Dave?  
TG: sup  
TT: Want to go rap about the movie?  
TG: what  
TT: I mean, it’s cool if you don’t want to hang out and shit.  
TT: But I’m pretty sure we can remix some of the songs into sick beats.  
TG: dude  
TG: you were serious  
TG: thats supposed to be a question asked in disbelief  
TT: Well, if you don’t want to I can just to tinker with some robots.  
TG: lets do this  
TT: …….Alright.  
TT: Just another night in Paris, the city were the love is, a couple gypsies sneak inside.  
TG: now see g  
TG: Judge Claude Frollo   
TG: gave a vast hell no   
TG: and he caught the fuckers of their ride  
TT: Then the mother got away, but she had a price to pay, cause nobody in Paris cares  
TG: the woman slipped and fell and died  
TG: as her entrance was denied  
TG: shit we could’ve warned her bout those stairs

\--turntechGodhead [TG] was banned from memo--  
\--timeausTestified [DS] was banned from memo--

TT: No. No, we are not having that  
TG: LMAO, Rosie, why did you do that.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, those Striders and their shenanigans.  
GG: I bet Dirk will be just a handful now that he’s teamed up with his ectobrother.  
EB: that just means we need to start the prankwars and not let them get the initiative!  
GG: Oh, I fully agree John. But I just don’t know where to start.  
GG: The amount of pranks we could pull if we teamed up are truly staggering.   
GG: I would dare say, it would be all of them; all of the pranks.  
EB: that sure is a lot of pranking.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!  
TT: …..To postpone our demise by terrible pranks, might I suggest you join me, Jade and English Jane?  
GG: I did promise to bake Dirk cupcakes……  
GG: If you postpone the movie just a tidbit, I’ll bake a fresh batch and bring some to the next get-together.  
TG: OMFG, Rosie, do it.  
TG: I swear to god, her cupcakes are divine.  
EB: no need to swear to us.  
TT: Finger hovering over the ban button John.  
EB: I’ll behave.  
TT: That sounds wonderful Jane.  
TT: Would you terribly mind if I joined you?  
GG: How so?  
TT: I would like to help you bake.  
GG: Well, that would be delightful.   
EB: rose, i didn’t know you liked baking?  
TT: Well, I don’t know if I don’t try.  
GG: This is your first time?  
TT: Afraid so. If you mind, I’ll just pester Jake and Jade until you’re done.  
GG: I do not mind at all Rose. And since it’s your first time, I’ll be gentle.  
GG: You can even lick the spoon clean.  
TT: Thanks….. I think?  
TG: Oh Rose, you’re so lucky.  
GG: I’ll go on ahead and prepare the kitchen! See you in a bit!

\--gutsyGumshoe [JC] left memo--

TT: (Roxy.)  
TG: (Yeah sis?)  
TT: (Are you serious? About John I mean.)  
TG: (Well….. I am not, stepping on any toes right?)   
TG: (Cause if you have dibbs I won’t push it. I don’t want to hurt my new sister.)  
TT: (And I don’t want to see my sister hurt herself. No, I do not have any romantic feelings for John.)  
TG: (Well, that’s great!)  
TG: (I mean uhm….. Ok.)  
TT: (So are you serious about him or are you just playing around.)  
TG: (Well…… I don’t really know. He’s really hunky, and super sweet and funny…. )  
TG: (But I am kinda scared I’ll do something wrong or scare him off.)  
TT: (So you really are serious.)  
TG: (I guess…….)  
TT: (Can I make a suggestion, from sister to sister?)  
TG: (Omfg you called me sister too <3)  
TT: (Sweet as he is, John is a little dense.)  
TT: (Be direct and tell him that you have a romantic interest in her.)  
TG: (Her?)  
TT: (Him. I mean him. It’s some very valuable advice I received a not too long ago. I hope it serves you well.)  
TG: (Thanks Rosie.)  
TG: (I was really scared you wouldn’t be cool with it.)  
TT: (Just go get him ;))  
TG: (Ok, wauw, Dave was right. That is kinda awkward.)  
EB: guys are you still there?  
TT: Sorry, I had Jade in a private chat.  
EB: oh, is cool.  
TT: Regardless, I am going to help Jane with her cupcakes.  
TT: I won’t make any promises but I shall TRY not to turn our kitchen into a warzone.  
EB: oh that always happens, especially during the first try.  
TT: Thanks for the vote of confidence.  
TT: See you soon John.  
EB: right, see you soon.

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--

EB: so, i think that was everyone.  
TG: Yup, pretty much.  
EB: sooooo now what?  
EB: you still want to watch national treasure?  
TG: I’d love to John.  
EB: great, i’ll start up the stream right now.  
EB: you’ll see; you can’t hate on this movie.  
TG: Actually, John.  
TG: Could we perhaps, watch it elsewhere?  
TG: In private maybe?  
EB: oh sure.  
EB: i think jade and jake are hogging the main tv for bambi now, but i got a small tv in my room.  
EB: the sound isn’t great and the image isn’t as sharp but it works.  
TG: Your room?  
EB: yeah. would that be ok?  
TG: Actually, I think that would be great.  
TG: I’ll be over in a bit ;)

\--tipsyGnostic [TG] left memo--

\--ectoBiologist [EB] closed memo--

\--tipsyGnostic [TG] began pestering timeausTestified [DS]\--

TG: OMFG DIRK HALP.

\--timeausTestified [DS] changed screenname to auto-Responder [AR]\--

AR: It seems you are trying to reach Dirk Strider. However, the main man is busy in one of the illest rap-offs in paradox space history.  
AR: Tags include but are not limited to: Hunchback_of_Notre_Dame, bitches, hoes, money, Houston, Time, Heart, Snoop_Dogg, Obama, Harry_Potter, Chuck_Norris, Rainbow_Dash, cosmetics, horseplay, China, skippyballs and lolcats.  
TG: OMFG NOBODY CARES.  
TG: DIRK IF YOU RAED THIZ.  
TG: YOU  
TG: ME  
TG: FEELINGSJAM  
TG: 3 HOURS.  
TG: KBYE.

\--tipsyGnostic [TG] ceased pestering auto-Responder [AR]\--

AR: Well that was just rude.

**Author's Note:**

> So..... Hunchback is a really good movie. I'm serious, this is my favorite Disney movie. It probably the only movie were I actively had to try to look for plotholes and contrivances. And the ones I did find were kind of irrelevant, because the movie is just so damn good. I could write a fucking thesis on how much I love 'Hellfire'.
> 
> As for this work itself well.... It became very clear I should have saved Twilight for last. Much easier and funnier jokes because of the unintended hilarity of the work. The Alphas are far less...... solid as characters then the Beta's or even the trolls, which made matters difficult for me.  
> Now that I got the negatives out of the way, I really liked writing Jake and Dave as pals, because somehow it seems to work, or Roxy and Jade (or Jade and Dirk) bouncing of each other. Jade worked so well with Roxy imo that I considered making it a John/Jade/Roxy thing, but I didn't feel like bringing incest in this wholesome family fun fic. The John/Roxy thing started as a joke but actually kinda started liking their interactions. 
> 
> This film marks the end of my riffing series with very little chance of continuation. If anyone else feels like taking a shot because I missed their favorite movie or because they want to poke fun at some other movie, go nuts. I'd love to see it.
> 
> Next stupid challenge; non-con smut. Because that is a logical next step after Disney films. Not sure if I go with the Nepeta or the Roxy scenario though.


End file.
